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Gary Foreman

Transformational Life Coach 

  • Writer's pictureGary Foreman

I GOT TO TALK TO DAD!

Updated: Jun 10

Hello Friends

 

Self Esteem is a subject that is quite close to me and my student/clients in my work as a Life Transition Coach. One of the many ways to build self-esteem is to look back at your past for events that may have caused some emotional difficulties or trauma. Some of these issues you might be still carrying around. This, looking back is not always easy and not always recommended to do alone. A trained professional to help find and release these traumatic issues would be a big help. We never know what will be back in those shadows and what will come up as a result of looking. When we release these issues, we let go of the negative energy holding us back. Like having a ball-and-chain tied to us in deep water. When we release this weight, we begin to float to the top easier and we raise our self-esteem. 


Let’s go on!


At the recommendation of a counseling peer, I decided one day to go back in time, in my mind and have a talk with my now deceased father about some issues that may have happened between us.

Now a quick digression: Michael Jordan is now a retired NBA basketball player. At one point in his basketball career, after achieving 3 NBA championships in a row, and many other accolades, he retired. Then, as a very determined individual and gifted athlete, decided he wanted to play professional baseball. With his professional athletic connections, he secured a contract with a minor league team. HIS father, at that time was deceased. Michael imagined him riding in the car with him on the way to baseball practice.

The story goes that Michael would look over into the passenger seat and say things like; “… dad, we’re doing this! We’re going to play baseball like we talked about many years ago!” This is what inspired me to; “ … have a talk with my dad …” ! 


My dad was a good person. He meant no harm to anyone really. He rose early, and went to a job that he didn’t always like, so he could provide for his family, of which I was one. In the name of making me a good person, he scolded me, he was punishing, very critical, and berating at times. There was constant fear in the air. Mistakes were brought up and corrected constantly, so I didn’t take chances, with anything. If I couldn’t do something well, quickly and somewhat easily, I didn’t initially try or I gave up soon after realizing there was a challenge. I could not take the scrutiny of going over and over mistakes. I am sometimes plagued with this trait to this day. I know now that his behavior was anger stemming from his early years. He knew no different in raising his children, because that’s how HE was raised. 


After learning much of this only a few years ago, I wrote horrible things TO him and ABOUT him, in letter format. This I did as an exercise of in my journal. I asked things like: “WHY”!? and “HOW COULD YOU”!? and more! “Why would you do such things and say such things to a child!? ….ME”!


YES! I blamed him, many times over for a few years. Then one day I realized, by blaming him, that made ME a victim, which I know in my conscious mind, I am NOT! I didn’t want to carry that any more so I began to find a way to release this. 


I went into stillness and silence and asked: 

ME: Are you here dad? Would you like to have a chat? 

DAD: Sure, of course! 

M: Where are you? 

D: I’m right here with you. 

M: I have a lot to say to you about when I was growing up. I was punished a lot. You said I was dumb and that I should be seen and not heard. How could you do what you did, to a child? When is punishment a learning tool? Why couldn’t you let me be a child? 

D: I didn’t know any better at the time. My only skills as a parent and my only example, where MY parents. And their skills came from their parents … etc. 

Then he said: 

D: can you forgive me? Can we be friends? 


At that moment I said, YES! I then realized that I could stop the blaming, resentment, and anger towards him. I could let go of the fear he caused me to hang on to for many years. I was no longer a VICTIM! HE became my friend. I LOVED him. He said he wanted to help me from his prospective. He knew I could be successful beyond my wildest dreams and he wanted to help me remove the blocks. We would work together. This process would help him also. 

I became very peaceful and happy, just like Michael! 

I then said; “DAD, let’s do this”!

He said; “YES, let’s do this. I’ll always be here”!

 

My self-esteem took a step higher that day as I lightened the load that I had received from my dad many years earlier.

 

THANKS DAD! We’ll talk again soon! 










This is me at approx. 4 YO 

Let’s ALL try to lighten the load and enjoy a little more self-esteem.

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Gary Foreman

Transformational

Life Coach

CONTACT

(972) 639-7292
info@garyforeman.me

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Gary Foreman

Life Coach

Gary Foreman

Transformational

Life Coach

(972) 639-7292
info@garyforeman.me

  • Instagram
  • Facebook
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